Imperfect Mommy (Doubts about being a parent & my parenting)
I finally have come to the realization that I will not ever be the perfect parent. I am officially accepting myself as the imperfectly open, vulnerable, authentic , loving, compassionate, empathetic and understanding parent who has flaws! This section of the website is about my confessions as a mom, so there are things on here that I have thought but probably never shared but I want to share my imperfections and confessions with the world so that we can heal and grow together!
So here we go…
I contemplated having an abortion with each of my pregnancies. Ahhhh…it feels so good to say that, to get it off my chest… Who else can identify? I am pro-choice, but I never thought in my life I would get, let alone think about having, an abortion. Just to clarify, I never got an abortion, just contemplated, which I still feel guilty about, but I feel like it is a conversation that no one wants to talk about but for some it may be healing. I experienced mixed emotions when I became pregnant. I knew I always wanted to be a mother but every time we conceived I felt we weren’t ready–we were too young, we weren’t getting along, we both still have a lot of healing and growing up to do. Thank goodness my desire to want to be a mom overrode my emotional turmoil and I have 3 healthy children. But, why don’t we women talk about this? Why is this topic so taboo? So many women struggle with these feelings and thoughts and feel so ashamed and alone. I wish that we were more open as a society and not so judgmental. I believe the world would be a better place if people were more open, vulnerable, authentic , loving, compassionate, empathetic and understanding. Too many of us live our entire lives in behind a façade–will we truly be who we are? What will it take?
I am freeing myself from the paralysis of fear and removing my façade. I choose to be open, vulnerable, authentic, loving, compassionate, empathetic and understanding! Yes, I contemplated abortion and because I had that experience I understand why many women contemplate it and actually follow through. Everyone has their own reasoning. Who am I to judge the next person? I have no idea what they are experiencing in their lives and even if they do reveal to me their situation and reasoning, it is their life and they decide what path they want to take. Everyone is the expert in their own lives! I still have many doubts about my parenting: Am I a good enough mother? Why did I spank/ scream at them? How can I spend more time with them? I should have prevented him/her from falling? How can I heal all their woes and fix all their problems? What do people think of me and my parenting? Am I raising them the right way? Am I teaching them the right values? What do I value?
I say all of this to say, that it is normal to have doubts but don’t allow those doubts to run your life. Once you open up to other people you will also see that you are not alone in the struggle. It is so liberating to know that I can share with others, not be judged and sometimes find humor in my crazy but normal thoughts, emotions and actions. We have to let down our guards and start sharing more, someone needs to hear your story and you need to hear someone else’s, it is very beneficial to the healing process and it is so liberating. So, for everyone out there who has the question: Will I ever be a good parent? The answer is–whatever seed you plant it will manifest and come into fruition! If you have the desire to be a good parent, and are intentional, you will! No one will ever be the “perfect” parent, imperfection is inevitable because we are human, but you can be the best parent you can be if you want to. If you believe it you can achieve it!
If you are contemplating abortion or unsure about what to do, here are some great resources:
If you know someone who may be considering abortion, here is a resource to help you help them:
Also, a great book to read about being an imperfect parent and accepting and loving yourself, check out my favorite writer: Brené Brown http://brenebrown.com/ and her book “The Gifts of Imperfections” http://www.amazon.com/The-Gifts-Imperfection-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X
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