Reasons, Seasons & Lifetimes

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This poem is so true!!! When I reflect on all my relationships/friendships over the past 10 years, I realize how this resonates in my life! I have people who have come into my life for reasons and initially when the relationship/friendship ended I was devastated but now when I reflect on it I understand for the most part what reason they served and I can learn from that, be thankful and grow. Some people have come in my life for a season and sometimes the relationship/friendship is drawn out past its seasonal end date because I was trying to hold onto something that was not suppose to last, I also learned from those relationships/friendships and I am still grieving some of those relationships/friendships but I realize more each day that both the relationship/friendship and the end of the relationship/friendship was a blessing and lesson and soon I will let go fully and move on. Then I have my friendships/relationships, that have stood the test of time and I just know are lifetimes. We may endure our ups and downs but no matter what I can depend on and count on them! 

 
When it’s time to let go, let go! Some relationships/friendships are way pass their reason and/or seasonal expiration! It’s ok to let go, grieve the relationship, realize the blessings and lessons and then move on so that you can grow!!! Every relationship/friendship is no suppose to be for a lifetime, but definitely cherish those ones that have stood the test of time! You know in your heart and soul which relationships/friendships fall into reason, season or lifetime! 
 
So, my question to you is: 
What about your friends…do they stand their ground, do they let you down”
 
REFLECTION
As you reflect on your relationships/friendships can you identify your reasons, seasons & lifetimes? 
 
Are you holding onto relationships/friendships that is not serving a purpose in your life or giving you life? 
 
Have you confused reasons and seasons for lifetimes? 
 
Do you need to do some spring cleaning and let go of some expired reasons and seasons?
 
Do you cherish your lifetimes? 
 
Namaste 

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Dear Mom,

Mothers Day Card from Marley 2016

Mothers Day Card from Marley 2016

Mothers Day is a bittersweet celebration for me! Though I am very grateful to be a mom and love to be celebrated I also have to face the reality of the lack of a healthy relationship between me and my own mom! Usually, I get really emotional around this time of year thinking about it, but this year I’m accepting it for what it is and appreciating the lessons I’ve learned from my mother and valuing the other mothers who came in my life to help me mature and grow into the woman I am today! I also decided to write my mother a letter, which is a part of my grieving and forgiving process!

 

Dear mom,

Things are tough right now and it sucks that we are not talking and bonding! My decision to separate from you now is due to my unwillingness to pretend that everything is ok and sweep everything under the rug! I can’t live like that anymore, it was killing me inside! The pink elephant in the room was standing on top of my chest and I was suffocating! You may not ever understand why I’m not talking to you right now because of your mental illness. Narcissism prevents you from truly being yourself, loving yourself and connecting with yourself so I can’t expect you to love or connect with me when you can’t do it for yourself. For too many years, I tried to change me, you and our situation and it drove me crazy, literally! I devoted my life to it, I majored in psychology, wrote endless papers on mother-daughter dynamics, spent countless hours in therapy, had multiple break downs, been hospitalized for stress/anxiety/depression related issues, talked about our issues until I was blue in the face and now I finally had enough. I love you but I love me more and I have to save myself and nurture and love myself so I can be able to nurture and love my children in a healthy way. 

I used to say I hated you but now my feelings towards you are softening because I understand more about you and your upbringing and struggles. I am in the process of forgiving you, I really want to forgive you and I have to allow myself to grieve so I can authentically forgive you! I understand now that your battle with narcissism makes it hard for you to love me like I needed and need you to. I realize that you grew up in a dysfunctional home with a non-present alcoholic father and a narcissistic prejudice mother. You didn’t know any better and you only did what was taught to you! You had me at 16 because you didn’t feel loved and you thought that I would be yours and love you unconditionally! I understand why you thought that and I understand why me breaking free of you is hurting you too! But, you also tried to break free of your mother and dysfunctional family too, remember? You tried to make a better life for me and you and you tried hard! I appreciate that! When I reflect on my life I can see you tried! You really did try! But because you were and still are unaware of the impact your family had on you, you struggled and still struggle! In attempting to make a better life, you became a manipulator, a pathological Liar, a hoarder, an emotional/verbal abuser, and a narcissist! 

I want better for you! I want you to be healthy! I want you to be healed! I want you to be in my life! I want you to be in my kids life! But it has to be in a healthy manner because I’m not going to expose my kids to the dysfunction! They already have to deal with enough from the residual effects that I unconsciously and unintentionally project! But now that I’m more aware, I understand that I am responsible for their safety and well-being! They deserve a better life and they will have a better life! I will kiss and hug them as much as possible everyday! I will use my words to uplift and encourage them and build their confidence! I will teach them how to be financially secure! I will make it safe for them to share their true thoughts, feelings and emotions! I will support them as they explore the world and cultivate their authentic selves! And I will tell them everyday that they are enough just as they are!!!

I’m not going to say I’m going to be a better mother than you because that’s narcissistic. And I no longer want to compare or compete with you! I will just say I will give them the things I feel I needed as a child and I will be there to support them when they struggle! 

I love you mom and I’m still working on forgiving you! But I will forgive you and my hope is that we will have a healthy relationship in the future! 

On this Mothers Day even though we won’t share it together, I want you to know that you are on my mind and I wish you the best! I am praying for you and us! 

Love, 

Your First Born 

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Reaping What You Sow

My Abundance plant: Started off as 7 small lima beans that I planted with each seed representing something that I wanted to manifest in my Abundant Life (Love, peace, happiness, healing, harmony, balance & authenticity). It is one physical representation of abundance in my life. It reminds me to live abundantly!

We all heard this old saying before, but have you really sat down and analyzed how true this statement is and how it shows up in your life? I did this recently and this Karmic energy  makes so much sense! Whatever seed you plant it will come to fruition and manifest in some way in your life. This proverb seems so simple but so complicated to put into action. If you ever wondered why everything or everyone around you is negative, take time to reflect on what you  are putting out in the world and you will understand why you are surrounded by so much negativity. We can not get love, peace or happiness in our life if we keep surrounding ourselves around and planting negative seeds. Negativity does not cultivate love, peace or happiness. In order to cultivate an ABUNDANCE of love, peace and happiness–we must search deep within ourselves and find out what those words truly mean and plant those meanings in our life in order to manifest a lifestyle that produces the fruit that represent what we truly want and deserve!

Whatever you want in life you can have! If you believe it, cultivate it and stay true to it you will achieve it! If you want to have the job of your dreams, first affirm it to be yours, next pray pray pray and mediate, then do the research to see what you need to do to make it happen, next set realistic goals and timeline(start small), and finally sit back and watch your seeds take root and grow. Before you know it you will have a beanstalk in front of you! Using my life as an example, I recently was having a sad moment because I was comparing my life to one of my friends. In order to get myself out of my funk, I decided to write down everything I wanted to accomplish, then I gave myself a timeline. This inspired me to reflect on my life and all the goals and aspirations I made in the past. I had an epiphany; everything that I wanted, asked for or aspired to do I accomplished! I realized that graduating from college with no student loans, traveling the world, starting a business, and being able to stay home with my children were aspirations that I prayed for and worked hard to obtain. This was so enlightening and inspiring that it allow me to fight the funk.  My faith has grew tremendously from this!

If you are experiencing a challenging storm right now, just REMEMBER: Everything that you are going through now is preparing you for what your heart truly desires! Ride the wave* and use this time to reflect on your life and the seeds that you planted and what you want to plant.  Watch what you ask for (or plant) because it will come true, maybe not in the form that your expect, but expect that every seed you plant will come into fruition (this goes for positive and negative seeds)! Be grateful  and claim abundance! I love you all, and I pray that you get everything that your heart desires! I also would love to hear about what you think about this post and where you are in your journey’s, so please respond and use the reflection questions as a guideline if you wish!

*Riding the wave is a phrase used in yoga meaning even when a posture or life is challenging, see the posture/life event through and you will see in the end that pain/discomfort is temporary. And when you stay on the wave it will carry you to the shore and you will be a better, stronger and more enlightened person with a lesson learned!

**This also applies to relationships: pay attention to the people you surround yourself with. Are your relationships serving you? Are your relationships toxic (more on toxic relationships in a future post). If you want/need better relationships surround yourself with the people who you want to be around and serve a purpose!

Reflection

  1. What does “reaping what you sow” mean to you? How do you apply it to your life?
  2. What seeds do you want to plant?
  3. What is holding you back from planting and cultivating what you want in life?
  4. What kind of relationships are you surrounding yourself with?
  5. Are you riding the wave? If so, how do you maintain during the storm? If not, what are some things you are willing to try to ride the wave?
  6. What advice do you have for anyone who be may experiencing difficulty in manifesting what they want in their lives?
  7. How does sowing seeds of positivity manifest harmony and better relationships?